Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
