just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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