Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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