I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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