thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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