Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
