im drinking this country out of the recession.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
