An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
