Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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