I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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