dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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