is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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