I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
