So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
