I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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