I hope mine doesn't look like that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
