this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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