just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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