Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
