We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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