so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
