she looked like the bat from fern gully.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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