He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
