i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
