I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
