Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
