Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
