12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
