This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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