The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
