remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
