can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
