I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
