Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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