I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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