Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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