Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
