question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
