so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sarcasm needs its own font
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
