There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
