I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
