peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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