Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
