he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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