batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
