And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
