my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
