For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
