youre lurking in front of me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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