if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
