Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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